surrender

i have taken this failed experiment as far as i can. soon, i have resolved to surrender my voice and my face for a number and a mark of rank, doomed to toil under the heel of my betters for a couple of decades. my only remaining desire is for death to claim me at war, or at the very least on the open seas. it would be fitting, i think, for my bones to rest somewhere in the vast cold ocean. but, as my luck is ill, i will likely survive the ordeal, perhaps broken in body, and continue to walk the earth as a bitter and unhappy old man.

true honor has been lost to me for a long time; all that remains is to collect grubby coinage in trade for the remaining mediocre years of my unlife.